- Avoid getting sent to rough up the hero(es). Ransacking hotel rooms is probably safe, but going 'round to beat up the good guys is a sure ticket to the bottom of the Thames. Remember, however, that all Heroes get roughed up at least once, so if this has never happened to the Hero, go for it!
- When the hero or his sidekicks are at your mercy, don't stop to gloat.
- If you can't resist gloating, don't boast about the reward you expect to receive from your master for bringing them in or killing them off.
- If you gloat and boast, don't be surprised if a comrade of the person you have at your mercy jumps you from behind while you're distracted with your boasting.
- If you fail to complete your mission, skip town. Returning to the Evil Overlord to report on your failure will usually get you killed.
- Avoid killing people not actively involved in the rebellion, the Evil Overlord has enough enemies as it is. Especially don't kill relatives, significant others, or best friends of the hero. Normally after the Evil Overlord is overthrown, henchmen can get off with a few hundred hours of community service, but if you off the Hero's loved ones, he'll make lasagna out of you.
- Unless the Evil Overlord pays extra for indiscriminate slaughter, avoid it. Why should you give your services away for free?
- As tempting as it may be, never try to ravish the Evil Overlord's beautiful-but-wicked daughter. She can probably mop the floor with you. Daddy will not try to stop her.
- Learn where the trap door is in the Evil Overlord's audience chamber. Avoid standing there, especially when bad news is brought to the Evil Overlord.
- While the Evil Overlord is gloating over his anticipated success in the venture he is about to launch, it is considered impolite to ask "And if you fail?" You probably won't be flogged, maimed, or killed for your temerity, but why risk it?
- As soon as the evil lord has the hero in his power, seek the nearest available escape route. The fewmets are about to hit the windmill.
- Learn to distinguish Heroes from Sidekicks. Heroes are usually taller and more somber, while Sidekicks dress with more flair and tell more jokes. Taking on the Hero when you only have enough manpower/firepower to take on the Sidekick will earn you an all-expenses-paid trip on Stygian Cruise Lines.
- Never allow yourself to be provoked into doing anything stupid by insults from the Hero or Sidekicks.
- No matter how attractive the captured heroine is or how seductively she bats her eyes, she really does not want to sleep with you. Do not unlock the cell door.
- If the heroes give you a chance to surrender or flee, take it.
- If you surrender to the Hero, don't try to stab him when his back is turned; the Sidekick will get you first.
- If the seemingly helpless person you have just cornered is confident and unafraid despite being outnumbered and surrounded, you have encountered a Hero in disguise. Run while you still can.
- If the Hero you are sent after dresses entirely in black, he is even more dangerous than the Evil Overlord suspects; double all requisitions for men and firepower.
- Practice your "accidental" sword/gun dropping technique. It's the only thing that can save you when the hero is winning.
- When you have someone at gunpoint and that person says "you haven't got the guts to kill me," prove him/her wrong.
- The Evil Overlord will not risk his life to save yours. Why risk yours for him?
- If the Hero is using you as a human shield and the Evil Overlord asks you if the Doomsday Weapon is prepared, say "no."
- If the Evil Overlord orders you to kill some prisoners and then departs for business elsewhere, leave as quickly as possible; there is about to be a successful rescue attempt.
- Never wear gender-inappropriate underwear if swords are common. The Hero will slice your suspenders, causing your pants to fall and exposing you to ridicule.
- Never allow yourself to be turned into a vicious, ravening beast to defeat the Hero. It never works, and you girlfriend will not understand. She will dump you for one of the Good Guys.
- Never hold hostages at point blank range. Anyone quick enough to even back into the role of Hero can punch you out faster than you can pull the trigger.
- When disposing of bodies, dump them in the Evil Overlord's territory, and not in neighboring lands presently outside of his control.
- Find out where the Evil Overlord has installed the self-destruct switch for his secret base (the real switch, not the decoy), and disable it at the first opportunity. The base will get blown up anyway, but your chances of escaping are better.
- Don't let the Evil Overlord use you as a lab animal.
- If you can't avoid being used as a guinea pig by the Evil Overlord, any powers you gain from the experiment will make it needful for the Hero to kill you at some point during the Heroic Struggle. Change sides and take your just revenge.
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According to the Hollywood Reporter, Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks also accused Diddy, whose real name is Sean Combs, his ex-girlfriend Kim Porter and police brutality victim Rodney King of somehow being responsible for the collapse of the World Trade Center.
After they "knocked down the WTC" she wrote, the three came and "knocked my children down."
Turks also added that Diddy stole a poker chip worth "100 zillions of dollars" that she won in a Mississippi casino and later gave it away to someone else.
She further claimed she once dated Diddy and that the 41-year-old rapper is the father of her 23-year-old son.
She is petitioning for 900 billion dollars in child support. The other 100 billion dollars she is seeking is for "loss of income," reports the New York Post.
A Los Angeles judge denied her request for a restraining order against Diddy, but set a hearing for Jan 31. (ANI)
Sure, your dog keeps the letter wielding postman from attacking, but would he take a bullet on your behalf?
Dog owner Osmar Persisco of Garibaldi, Brazil, knows the answer is “yes” after his pet Max leapt to defend him from armed robbers, taking three bullets along the way.
Persisco was parking his truck near Max’s favourite field when two armed robbers approached him and demanded the keys to his vehicle.
Persisco resisted and the thieves opened fire, drawing blood after grazing the 47-year-old’s forehead with a bullet.
That’s when Max lost his cool.
“He saw the blood and was furious,” Persisco told Brazilian newspaper Globo. “He left like a rocket to attack the thieves. One of them ran away, but Max dominated the other one. To defend himself, the thief ended up shooting the dog. Max thwarted the assault and saved my life.”
Max was hit twice in his chest and once in his leg, but by then he had scared off the potential thieves.
Persisco rushed the heroic pet he had adopted three years earlier to his local vet. Max is expected to make a full recovery.
“If I didn’t have my dog around, they would have killed me,” Persisco told the paper. “He’s my hero.”